It’s not what the present is, but the thought that counts right? Or however that saying goes…
But what if The Thought was sarcasm and spite? What if The Thought was, “What’s something I can get, that will really annoy them?” Well never fear, Jon Z is here!
I have put together a list of the best TROLL GIFTS you can get for the less-than-favourable-people on your Christmas List! Or for your friends that at least have a good sense of humour!
- A Random Season of a Show They DO NOT Watch!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like Season 4 of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, the show that the recipient has never expressed any interest in watching. Whatever you do make sure it’s not Season 1 (of whatever your show of choice is). You don’t want them to actually have an intention of discovering a hidden gem!
2. A $5 Gift Card to a Store that’s 50KM or More Away!
A $5 coffee card is one thing. That’s actually useful. But a $5 gift card to a store they gotta go out of their way to get to? That’s just flat out annoying! Basically the idea here is you want them to spend more than $5 in gas to get there. More than likely they’ll try to use it online, but $5 won’t even cover shipping in most cases!
3. A Banana Plant
A house plant? That’s not too annoying. Well just wait, I did a bit of research, and this is one of the hardest house plants to keep alive. It needs 12 hours of direct sunlight (good luck getting that in February in Grey Bruce). You need to keep it warm, but don’t let it get too warm or it’s leaves will brown. It needs constant watering, as well as you’ll need to upgrade it’s pot as it grows. But don’t upgrade the pot too quickly or you’ll kill it. Even if you do everything right, you still won’t get any actual bananas from int!
4. If They Have Kids – Anything That Makes Noise
Need I even say anything for this one?
4. BONUS – A Pressing of Baby Shark on Vinyl!
Your nightmares have been answered! The world’s most annoying song/most played video on YouTube is now on the most sacred of music platforms! You know what, I take this one back. NO ONE deserves to get this as a gift!
5. A Specialty Recipe Book for Food They Hate
If you know this person has very specific tastes, why not rub it in their face. I’ve made it no secret that I DESPISE Tomatoes. And I can say, that if someone really wanted to get under my skin, they’d get me a tomato based cook-book… I’m mad just thinking about it…
6. A Custom Throw Pillow With Their Boss’s Face on It.
There is nothing like coming home from work, cracking open a nice cold drink, then cuddling up on the couch with your favourite pillow. But what if that pillow had the face of the one person you didn’t want to think about while relaxing? Suddenly your binge-watch of Love Is Blind isn’t feeling so good now is it?
7. Anything to Absolutely Cover Them In Glitter.
Ian Solecki calls glitter “the gift that keeps on giving.” Is he wrong? It gets loose and get’s everywhere! I’m still vacuuming glitter out of my car from my fiance’s 2017 Halloween costume. Any overly glittery gift will guarantee the recipient cursing your name for years to come!
8. An Onion
What does it mean? Do I have bad breath? Is cause I mentioned that I like the Shrek movies? Do they think I like cooking? While not as annoying as some of the other gifts on this list, this one will leave your recipient guessing. I bet they’ll lose sleep trying to figure out what it means!
9. Cold Hard Coins
If all else fails, you can always fall back on cash! But, you don’t want to make it too easy for them right. Make sure that Twenty Bucks you slip them is in rolled- or even better LOOSE nickles! Bonus points if you can make it pennies, but that’s kinda hard here in Canada.
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